Enlightenment cannot be attained, nor forced.

It can only happen.

It can appear only when it is given

a vacant space to appear in.

           -Nisargadatta 

"see if you qualify for a life experience degree."

Ha! they have to ask?!

shock*RA

"Run my dear from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. Run like hell my dear from anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred tender vision of your beautiful heart."

Hafiz

mental chatter.

it's the yogi mind 

in action.

non action.

no reaction.

just satisfaction.

filled with delight.

do right.

outta sight.

live light.

alright.

your karma is your destiny to freedom.

and freedom is your destiny to become.

liberation of this cosmic temple.

way beyond just mental. potential.

this cosmic body

spittin' image of the cosmic galaxies.

downpression the biggest fallacy.

planets get in your head.

control where your thoughts are led.

you got energies and chakras.

nadis and koshas.

it has been said.

don't be fooled,

these are the tools.

of Totality.

reality.

beyond fatality.

get outta the mental drain.

clear out the brain.

beyond the thoughts, words and actions.

the chitta vritties and mind chatter.

none of it matters.

use them as ladders.

extend your soul till you are full.

extend your soul till you are full.

"We must get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." 

-Quote from the late Joseph Campbell

zen shouts!

mangal and ketu yagyas. strawberry rhubarb pie. 

a combination for livity.

the travels.

arcata. goodbye to the redwood tree. fall. 2000.

one last apple from arcata. the kind that fills you up. perfect specimen. the days of frolicking amongst the mist and redwoods is over. found a sanctuary. found a spot. found a happy, friendly tree to share with others. to meet again. 

amazing things happen when you just aren't expecting them. 

i had a slow day yesterday. left the tree late. functioned at my own pace. and i still managed to get things accomplished. casually asking for rides up north. sitting in the Plaza getting written up a fake ticket about the dogs (convinced it's a fake ticket and therefor not fretting....the "cop" doesn't even have ligit info....) when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Fenucci sitting on a stoop. and a ride up north to Seattle which happens to be going to the very Widespread show that i need to get to! yahoo! 

i love when that happens.

i should just trust the fact that inevitably positivity will pull through. (you just question- will it go the way i'd hoped?)

but now i find myself in Ephrata, WA while this bro Jeff takes care of his court date. no real worries. just hoping Amber and the kids make it to Seattle safely. yahoo.

Fenucci and these bros are funny. i guess you just have to get to know them. if they let you....

(i have a higher appreciation and love for the bwois in that ride now. maybe it was my blissful state and maybe it's just those bwois. their smiles of farewell, Will's hug and "you're a kind and beautiful sister," Jeff's nonchalance yet twinkle, Fenucci being suave Fenucci. they WERE funny! and then, the court scene....)

so now safely to Seattle, a beautiful miracle all over. miracled a ticket into the show. found Amber. found her kids. long drum set. night of dancing. then made it safely all the way to Missoula. now i'm baking cookies and kickin' it at the Love Nugget  full of thankfullness and love. 

Amber is planning her trip to Hawaii. they got the van together. everything is fine. i'm staying with Ali. i brought her a taste of "home." i hope to lift her spirits. Ali lives across from Alex- who brought me here from Seattle. (it's all a tangled web.) i met Cheris, Ali's roommate, at the WSP show. Cheris is Ali's friend from highschool! Amber knows all the kids at the Nugget. completely tangled. 

now i'm checking out jobs and feeling out my feelings. i'm not sure how long i want to be where or for what or for how long or with whom or for what reasons or what not. ya ya ya. but i'm on track. i'm going to get food stamps and hopefully medicaid and get my shit together. something to be proud of. but for now the kindness and generosity in this town is making me feel love. (i think i walked its perimeter today!) let's see what manifests.....

rise up today.

take this precious moment and wake up the mind and liberate the souls.

create the fiyah that will move you to Being.

love your self and radiate your truths.

be who you truly are.

spread these words.

become your future.

today.

there is no more time. 

to sit. 

to judge.

to falter.

hesitate no further.

act in righteousness 

and you are this.

talk with love and poetry on your lips 

and life will be this.

end your violence.

become peace.

unify the mind.

unify the world.

you Being

you are the pure expression of all the love that radiates from my heart, my mind, my Being.

you just be.ing, brings fullness to my Being.

stories....

i had a scare this week. for a moment, we thought aiko b. had bone cancer. turns out, it's arthritis. all in all not great. but much more manageable. so after going through a HUGE range of emotions and then coming back to center, i realized that my plans need to be hatched for writing our story. the tales, the travels, of star*seed and aiko traveling must be started. for years i've been forming and outlining, drafting it in my brain. the time to hesitate is through. while she is still in a body, i need to form the words.

this prompted me to open my ancient journal. way back when. when aiko b. and starseed took off and started searching. for what? life. 

back when things were simpler and more confused. 

from Missoula space time. Love Nugget. sometime, Dec. 2000:

"just saw Sister Carol and then walked home. just like that. i had no money and i was hoping that i could just get a ticket. a kick down. a miracle. whatev. it wasn't really like that though. and so Ali gave me her last 10 bucks and then went home to study for a psych. test. 

i felt a tap on my arm. it was Ali. she found 10 bucks on the ground outside! us and the 10 bucks, i tell yuh. it was beautiful though."

scouring the pages. the tales. the stories. the memories. my past becomes more shapely and clear. the colors. the textures. the weaves. hurling down highways. kickin' it. roots style. dirty, Phish kid style. babylon misfit style. odd, random, jovial, mysterious characters along the way. adventures to prove it. 

this journal ends as i head back to Indiana. for the first time. my first "trip out." seeing the sights and sounds of the country. discovering my tribe. my culture. my being. 

i enjoy myself. reading my old thoughts on paper is humorous. like a third person, i read. a same, yet separate, entity. i am, however, hilarious. ha.

sell out.

ok. so i sold out and now have ads on my blog site. their are reasons why. and for the most part, all the ads have been for things that i'm interested in. (hmmm. coincidence? i think not.) then there is the occasional ad for christian rhetoric like "the rapture" etc. THAT is just wierd. and if it continues, i'll be getting rid of this whole bumbaclot bidness. well, maybe i'll make a buck or two. and if i don't. buh bye.

star*seed and aiko traveling...

repost.

*Increase and widen your desires till nothing but reality can fulfil
them. It is not desire that is wrong, but its narrowness and smallness.
Desire is devotion. By all means be devoted to the real , the infinite, 
the eternal heart of being. Your longing to be happy is there. Why?
Because you love yourself. By all means, love yourself - wisely. What is
wrong is to love yourself stupidly, so as to make yourself suffer. Love 
yourself wisely. Both indulgence and austerity have the same purpose in
view - to make you happy. Indulgence is the stupid way, austerity is the
wise way. Once you have gone through an experience, not to go through it 
again is austerity. To eschew the unnecessary is austerity. Not to
anticipate pleasure or pain is austerity. Having things under control at
all times is austerity. Desire by itself is not wrong. It is the choices 
that you make that are wrong. To imagine that some little thing - food,
sex, power, fame - will make you happy is to deceive yourself. Only
something as vast and deep as your real self can make you truly and
lastingly happy.*
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

little whispers as i walk by.

a smile so slight you're left guessing.

my inner Rocky Horror Picture Show running through my mind.

still these days it's better.

same thoughts. less reaction.

like it's been overplayed. 

and already on the radio.

i could care. 

but thankfully i don't.

i'm too busy not to notice the breakdowns occurring.

i'm too absorbed in living to take out time for thoughts.

i'm too ingenious to play fucked up games.

that hurt my head. my heart. my....

the planets have moved into Scorpio 

and life is heating up.

i sweat just thinking about....

let them speak a little louder next time.

so i can blatantly ignore.

instead of pretending still that my Third Eye is not so clear.

i'll beam some light out and shoot them in the hearts.

if the rumors keep on following me 

maybe i'll start owning them

or turn them into soap operas

so they can watch their own words.

i'll break a few more hearts and send them home

and sit in bed with my sliced peaches and honey

and sip a bit o' tea.

and start this whole damn poem all over again.

my feet are my shoes.

i walk the earth one step at a time.

with my my soles.

with my souls.

spokenword. old school shit. II

natty congo roots.

unbrushed locks.

untamed. clean. and wild to perfection.

see what you see.

hear what you hear.

fear what you fear...

i'm sick of being judged

by your anger, fear and lies.

take off the disguise and realize.

i resent your christian misinformation.

how you were raised on disintegration.

Babylon's walls and yuh whitey mind

gunna go down with yuh capatalist kind.

just because you don't overstand me

don't give you no right to hate and command me.

your lives are in a state of deterioration

and it ain't like you got more right to procreation.

your whitey izm has you in a headlock.

but i stand firm with fiyah and natty congo lock.

face the fiyah that burn in my eye.

i rise in Jah sky like a fuckin' phoenix.

my poetry comes cool like the beatnicks.

to remind, unwind, design, align

and remaster.

remove disaster.

move through the past.

fast forward to the present.

this is a future watch.

no matter who you are.

no matter where you come.

no matter.

we're all headed in the same direction....

spokenword. old school shit. II

yeah, you saw what you saw.

i live by the Universal Law.

i don't bend to adversity,

nor was i schooled in your university.

you'll feel the span of emotion

just through my devotion,

of the highest, the flyest, 

the evolutionists, the revolutionists,

the futurists, the linguistics, 

the freedom fighters, the fiyah lighters.

we the crew comin' through

liftin' the dark cloud

the evil crowd

to a higher plane of existence. 

no resistance.

don't slow my intention

or bombard me with anger retention.

you can't stop the flow 

you got no choice but to grow

and rise

and realize

evolution be inevitable.

all else is regrettable.

your pollutions

bring our solutions.

and make the people rally

by the masses

the intelligence surpasses

your illusory actions.

then Nature comes with her reaction:

Wham

Slam

Damn!

you realize we ain't foolin'

we schoolin'

the Natural Rule,

and it hurts sometimes.

but read between the lines

and look to past times.

feel the truth in my rhymes.

and get up. 

stand up.

live it.

love it.

be it.

love yuh long time.

ok. the pony ride is over. when you awake to your Higher Self, let me know. then we'll talk.....

the flight of the alone to the alone.

-plotinous

i went to the tax guy today. i left with a new glimpse of my Self. some new sense.... 

i realize that i let my self live unpredictably. i know i change my mind a lot. i know i wear extremely bright colors. i know i howl at the moon and that is rare. i know i make nearly no money- not enough to really file. 

i know all this. and i don't care.

i love myself. 

in overtly ridiculous ways.

he said i seemed like a "nice and interesting person." he wanted to help me out. someday he knew i'd walk into his office with a gross earned income of over $100,000 or more. then i'd need him, and he'd be glad. he would wait for that day and help me out in the meantime. nice to have confidence from strangers.

though i don't have much to show for it, i'm  glad i teach yoga, that i volunteer my time, that i continue to change my mind, that i move a lot, that i wear what i want and say what i think. i am proud to be me. all funky and shit.

off to my next job. a weekly pro bono class at Lee Highschool. the only return i get out of this is the joy of others. when the government realizes that this is truly wealth, i'll be f*'n rich. 

good thing i already am.

wake up to Nothing.

wake up to Being.

awake and dreaming.

sleeping in the past.

rise up. wise up.

i'm self centered

i now release everything and everyone who is no longer a part of the Divine Plan for my life.

everything and everyone who is no longer part of the Divine Plan of my life, now release me.